I'm leaving Rome today. It's been wonderful here, and I'm already making a list of what to see when I come back, but I'm also glad to be leaving. Not because of anything negative or bad. I'm just...
... tired.
Those who know me well know that I push myself hard, and I'm not one to let little things like pain or exhaustion get in my way. If I want to do something, I'm going to do it all the way. This trip is a perfect example of this.
Going to Europe for one's birthday happens all the time. I've met four other people since I've been here who came specifically to celebrate their birthdays. We've actually bonded over our Sagittarian wanderlust and need for adventure without a plan. But... they came for a couple of weeks. They went to a couple of cities. Then they went home... while I'm still here. Still pushing myself to see it all, do it all.
The next few days, however, are promising to be far more low-key and less taxing in every possible way. I'm going to hang out with my buddy Brian in the middle of England, where there isn't the stress of roommates, trying to navigate a foreign language, and feeling like I have to walk everywhere and do everything. And guys, he has a bathtub! I may soak every morning and night the entire four days I'm there, my body aches so much.
In general, travel stresses a person. Being somewhere new, anywhere new, not sleeping in your own bed, not choosing your own meals or schedule, it all stresses you. It's exciting. It's fun. It's an adventure! But yeah, stressful. Add trying to navigate a different language and culture to the mix while sharing a room with strangers that can bring their own personal and cultural differences (even those from your own country), and what you have, my friends, is a constant state of anxiety.
I want to make something very clear here. I have enjoyed every second of this trip, even the time in Naples. It has been amazing. I've learned so much about myself, the world, and what it means to "live globally". I've checked off boxes, but I hope in a meaningful way and not just a "yep, saw it; time to move on" kind of way. I have a massive stack of research books saved on Amazon right this instant because I'm leaving with a desire to learn more and to understand better. To come back better prepared to truly understand the history of the cultures I'm visiting.
But...
As of yesterday, I've averaged 10 miles of walking every day for 14 days. I've climbed thousands of stairs. I've slept an average of 6 hours a night, and eaten primarily carbs. My body is done. I need fresh vegetables (don't laugh at me, Tracy), and lean protein, and rest. Oh so much rest. Because, I want to remind you all, I'm an old lady. I turned 50 a little over a week ago.
Last night, I was talking with one of my bunk mates, a grad student from Texas. She's young - maybe 26 or 27? - and here for a month as well. She's actually going sort of the opposite direction that I did, starting in France, then Italy, and then ending in Spain. We talked about what we'd seen, what was coming up, compared notes on Naples (she agrees that the city feels angry), and generally had a great conversation. Then I told her that I'd seen four museums on my birthday before going out for drinks and dinner with Isaac. Her jaw dropped. We talked about all the walking, and how many miles I'm averaging, and she flat out said there was no way she could, or would, do that.
It gave me pause. I thought I was building a lot of downtime into my schedule. I walked 10 miles yesterday, sure, but I also spent an hour and a half sitting at a cafe table watching it rain in the middle of the day. And an hour sitting during Vespers at St. Peter's. I was back at the hostel by 7pm after leaving at 10am. But it's not enough. I need those rests without the mad dashes from Point A to Point B.
So, time to rethink how I handle the rest of this trip. It will help having Brian along. I'll temper my speed, my drive, to make sure he's comfortable. I'll slow down.
To date, I've made it a point to soak in the moments, the experiences, wherever they happen. But now I'm also going to soak in the passages, the walks, the in-betweens. And if I don't get to everything, that's okay. I'll be back. This isn't a one-and-done.
I have nothing to prove, no one I'm doing this for but myself. And my self is saying to take it down a notch.
I'm listening. I promise. I'm listening.
... tired.
Those who know me well know that I push myself hard, and I'm not one to let little things like pain or exhaustion get in my way. If I want to do something, I'm going to do it all the way. This trip is a perfect example of this.
Going to Europe for one's birthday happens all the time. I've met four other people since I've been here who came specifically to celebrate their birthdays. We've actually bonded over our Sagittarian wanderlust and need for adventure without a plan. But... they came for a couple of weeks. They went to a couple of cities. Then they went home... while I'm still here. Still pushing myself to see it all, do it all.
The next few days, however, are promising to be far more low-key and less taxing in every possible way. I'm going to hang out with my buddy Brian in the middle of England, where there isn't the stress of roommates, trying to navigate a foreign language, and feeling like I have to walk everywhere and do everything. And guys, he has a bathtub! I may soak every morning and night the entire four days I'm there, my body aches so much.
In general, travel stresses a person. Being somewhere new, anywhere new, not sleeping in your own bed, not choosing your own meals or schedule, it all stresses you. It's exciting. It's fun. It's an adventure! But yeah, stressful. Add trying to navigate a different language and culture to the mix while sharing a room with strangers that can bring their own personal and cultural differences (even those from your own country), and what you have, my friends, is a constant state of anxiety.
I want to make something very clear here. I have enjoyed every second of this trip, even the time in Naples. It has been amazing. I've learned so much about myself, the world, and what it means to "live globally". I've checked off boxes, but I hope in a meaningful way and not just a "yep, saw it; time to move on" kind of way. I have a massive stack of research books saved on Amazon right this instant because I'm leaving with a desire to learn more and to understand better. To come back better prepared to truly understand the history of the cultures I'm visiting.
But...
As of yesterday, I've averaged 10 miles of walking every day for 14 days. I've climbed thousands of stairs. I've slept an average of 6 hours a night, and eaten primarily carbs. My body is done. I need fresh vegetables (don't laugh at me, Tracy), and lean protein, and rest. Oh so much rest. Because, I want to remind you all, I'm an old lady. I turned 50 a little over a week ago.
Last night, I was talking with one of my bunk mates, a grad student from Texas. She's young - maybe 26 or 27? - and here for a month as well. She's actually going sort of the opposite direction that I did, starting in France, then Italy, and then ending in Spain. We talked about what we'd seen, what was coming up, compared notes on Naples (she agrees that the city feels angry), and generally had a great conversation. Then I told her that I'd seen four museums on my birthday before going out for drinks and dinner with Isaac. Her jaw dropped. We talked about all the walking, and how many miles I'm averaging, and she flat out said there was no way she could, or would, do that.
It gave me pause. I thought I was building a lot of downtime into my schedule. I walked 10 miles yesterday, sure, but I also spent an hour and a half sitting at a cafe table watching it rain in the middle of the day. And an hour sitting during Vespers at St. Peter's. I was back at the hostel by 7pm after leaving at 10am. But it's not enough. I need those rests without the mad dashes from Point A to Point B.
So, time to rethink how I handle the rest of this trip. It will help having Brian along. I'll temper my speed, my drive, to make sure he's comfortable. I'll slow down.
To date, I've made it a point to soak in the moments, the experiences, wherever they happen. But now I'm also going to soak in the passages, the walks, the in-betweens. And if I don't get to everything, that's okay. I'll be back. This isn't a one-and-done.
I have nothing to prove, no one I'm doing this for but myself. And my self is saying to take it down a notch.
I'm listening. I promise. I'm listening.
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